Disorientation Week: take 2

I said this to someone recently, that I wasn't sure whether I was going home or leaving home, and was heartily reassured that that disorientation would affect me from now onwards. On the morn of my graduation, and second last night in school (provided I'm able to leave at all considering the fact that my clearance form has gone walkabouts), here's me summing up not just positives and negatives but the lifestyle of this 70's prison we call a school and a home, in comparison to what I remember of the home I'll be back to in two weeks.

Leaving home means no more Hui Lau Shan  Forked lighning Cockroaches in the sink  Interdorming Mosquito bites  Free hair cuts Block 3 pizza/cha siu fan Wearing only leggings Internet ban  Glenda sneezes  Pressure in the third shower  Kowloon Dairy  Stairs  Boones  Signing in and out  Jubes  Check in  Ants in the 4th toilet Walking on the grey tiles in the rain IB  Ordering in broken canto MTR  Skyscrapers  Effective public transport Free airport wifi Humidity  MOS apple pies  Living opposite a mountain  Swimming with no swimcap  Waterfall  HK City Hall Library days Wellcome  Baozi  Typhoons  Fro Yo  Chocolate powder ice-cream sauce  Red taxis  Sneaking out  Gatings  Canteen parties  Trams  Dragon boat  Cheap postage  YMCA roof  Mee & Gee atrocities Pretending to be a tourist Lung cancer  Brunch  Expats  Custard buns  Service planning  Thai curry for lunch Drinking in the street People who can dance Latinas  Paisanos  Sad nights in the library Broken curtain rails Student kitchen produce Chungking Mansions Linda e-mails (plz god) Air con 681, A41p, k807, 299, 1A  Phytoplankton  BOB Brown line Design labs La Bodega Rush at Mong Kok Worrying about Steve/Trevor/Brian being in the gym Lee On McDonalds Smirnoff Slushees Bubble Tea Annoying birds Managebac Grand dictations Condensed milk toast GIFs Travelling with Maddie In my country... Broken bikes Pacific Place toilets Egg waffles Concrete Hot rain Arrogant Frog Lino floor Angry cicadas Trevor whiteboard Mass e-mails Block 2 bench

Going home means more Baths Stocked fridges Come Dine With Me Town Reese's peanut butter cups Real milk Penney's The nal Sessions Cycling Breathable air Dore's Rabbits BBC radio 4 Putting on the dishwasher Texting Doing Clob's hair Tea (!) Bulmers Green Stir frys Getting lifts Sheep Sleep Weeding Body & Soul Rain Mint Crisp days Billy Byrnes The Rocco's/Larkin's debate Of Clody's elbow's in my tea Calling dinner tea Saying rubbers, plasters, rubbish bins, pavements America's Next Top Model Castle park Curry chips Dip dabs Shifting, less making out Arts Festival Langers and lickdipses Eating bread rolls whilst going round Supervalu Tracy's treehouse Shops closing at 6 Top 40 Oifigiúil na hÉireann Sitting in a car Darkness at night Museli Leprechauns Talking in tea rooms God awful attempts at customising clothes Ditto going to the gym Dressing gowns Camping It being hotter inside than outside Muller corners Privacy Records Chapattis Scacraicbant Badedas Stars Jenkinstown Picnics outta Dunnes New socks Boredom Sitting by the old pool eating Dominos' meateor Downloading films Sue Ryder shop Poulanassy Loud music Bedroom dancing Jaffa cakes G.O.L.D. Flash animation Hoovering Parents BBQ Hula Hoops Beat the bomb Change in jellies Regularly washed clothes Time for Soggy Twiglets?

Exams: A Webcam Diary

During exam time, many of us have our vices. 9gag, stalking pre-pubescent Eli Moist, Sonic Dash-ing, learning the lyrics to Wu Tang's C.R.E.A.M., wearing only the one pair of shorts for weeks on end, mastering aquarobics, eating. All the time.

My vice has got to be the very exemplar of culinary expertise, the modest Jube. A jube is a jelly cube suspended in a choice of juices. My particular weakness? Lychee. They have the consistency of human flesh. Here are some snapz after Jason bit the immovable lid off with his bottle opener adapted teeth. One day it got particularly bad (the pre maths nd chinese Thursday), resulting in this confession on Morgan's wall

09/05/2013

The Process of the Degradation of Sanity

Today Hannah was observed to have purchased two jars of Joobs in Lychee brine, for the purpose of a more nourished study of the Chinese language. Having breathed in the first jar in under a minute (in a rather enraged manner) she hurriedly reached for the other, and proceeded to open it using the Jason Method of forcing the lid off on a nearby solid substance. She attempted this manoeuvre haphazardly and accidentally smashed off the top 2cm of Joob jar, leaving a rather rugged edge. This did not seem to phase the subject, and she lifted the jar to her mouth and began to chug the cubes of strange consistency. Midway into her angry chugging, she noticed that she was crunching on glass, and (from her reaction) it can be assumed that she was reminded of the cocaine addicts one learns about in Transition Year, whose nostrils become raw from snorting the drug which has been mixed with ground glass.

Another coping mechanism was dressing up like a puritan rockstar and working in the geography room with Lerler. Sometimes we ate raw carrots. Raw. Rawr. 

Most of them went quite well, Physics paper 3 felt laughable, I managed to cough up a chinese essay of 200 characters on my favourite fanguanr. I threw in a 因此。。。因为, and only mentioned 包子three times so that's a guaranteed 6 right there. Maths, on the other hand was a trainwreck with an asymptote at infinity. Glenda had a different reaction (insert vague racial slur). 

Exams concluded on Friday the 17th. I ran very far away (Mong Kok) and purchased a €2 camouflage t-shirt and a lipstick called "Lavender Whip" amongst other things. On the way back to campus, I took the liberty in waiting for the first MOS train to leave from Tai Wai in favour of getting a seat on the second. The freedom radiates through everything I do. Alcohol was consumed in the presence of a fire consisting of Chinese mock papers and the complete works of Carol Ann Duffy and Dave McCracken's prized envi handouts. I went to the beach (didn't get burned!), then went out with Jason and Morgan to the infamous Korean BBQ buffet place above the Burger King off exit B2 in TST (valuable info). The plan was to eat until movement was hindered. There came a point when our stomachs were shocked by the volume of food it'd been subjected to. So we each had another mango sticky rice pudding (my seventh). Jason's food baby was more than impressive, and the MTR was beyond our capabilities as immobile bags of kimchi. We found a bus in the depths of Nathan Road and created a sitcom inspired by Jason's awful hair and loosely based on his experiences as a carpet dealer in a forgotten Scottish town inhabited by characters with personalities of our 同学s. 

Today I woke up at the other side of 7am (10:20!!!), began to pack the rather talking mounds of shite that's been festering in my corner for the past two years and on a bit of a whim decided to follow that mad eejit Maxim "Mad Eejit" Moshnyakov up Ma On Shan peak (his second time in the day). Despite being attacked by masses of red ants, the camouflage t-shirt and refilled cream soda bottle were integral to the success of the trip. That and following Pao's tramp stamped bootay. My granny sports bra clad body made an appearance but that shit is PG13. Following a much needed dip in the waterfall where we were joined by the non hiking 农民s, I find myself eating pizza in the dayroom with Jason and Pao, and no reason to wake up tomorrow.

Ps. Thanks to Maxim for some of the photos!