I'm Bringing Sexy Yak

So because last week I did a post on things I abhor, I thought it may be nice to follow it up with some things that I like. Aye, I am indeed supposed to be studying for my final exams which start in approximately a single week, but I have my 45 minutes of leisure time now before dinner in which I can blow some minds through the written word.

Or at the very least update the outside world on the (many) things I do not abhor.

Yaks

Yaks are truly excellent. The best environmental doomsayer we've had in school this year (and we have many) was the guy talking about how cool yaks are. In fact (and I quote) "Yaks are sexy in their own way". This baseball capped yak-enthusiast has inspired myself and Halfdan to kidnap Dilene and take her the long way around the Tibetan plateau on multiple trains averaging 36 hours each (the maximum is 52 hours - card game suggestions are welcome). Dilene was keen on a beach holiday, so I thought it would be considerate of me to make a stop at the most inland city in the entire world, Urumqi, whose local beach is 2,500 kilometres away in southern Pakistan. We're gonna bum all over until we get to Kashgar and then head on back - such is the plan but considering the fact that it is I who will have the most proficient mandarin means that a lot has been left to chance. Regardless, Uyghurs, yaks, lamb skewers and deserted cities from 1BC means that despite announcing that I would be home around June 10th, it is more likely to be never, as I prance around with yak in the wilds of Xinjiang.

Spoons

During a prolonged study period, my mind was degraded to the point where I google searched how to play the spoons, and spent 11 minutes watching this terrifying man. Summer plan complete (to be surprisingly proficient at spoon-playing by late August) I set about discovering the talents of the spooning world. Ruth kindly directed me to the one and only Simon Spoons facebook page which she had set up for him following an excellent performance of Poker Face. Insomnia is one of the greatest cultural offerings of our time. 

And thus ends the list of things that make me happy. Yaks and spoons lads, yaks and spoons.

Marley and Me Spoilers

Being as sick as a small hospital for the beginning of my study leave meant that I was in a darned good position to reflect on all the things I found adverse to my being in this world (aside from earaches and influenza symptoms). Please note that I am speaking from an impassioned viewpoint.

0.5 bowls of cereal

Luckily I can evade this here because we are subject to communal dumps of cereal but at home when I lift up the packet of Raisin Wheat I can quite often tell if there is not the recommended 35g serving left. I would so much rather Mr. Penultimate Cereal Manbeast went the whole hog and had 52.5g of cereal for breakfast than raised my hopes only to dash them to the ground.

Your iTunes

If it looks like this:

Red Hot Chili Pepper
Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Red Hot Chilly Peppers
RHCP
RHCPeppers

Please do not get me started on the various uses of "&", "and" and even (god forbid) "+". Drake and Jay-Z should not collaborate so often if it turns your iTunes into the wreck I so often see.

Also if you skip songs. This irks me so much that even on my own iPod if I must skip I will first phase out the song I am currently listening to in order to play the next one. Besides, aside from that Pulled Apart By Horses album (which I regret deeply) all the other music on my iPod is quality.

>8 people at a canteen table

In the morning, the canteen ladies put the chairs around the tables in a nice four sided arrangement. Let me tell you 9, 10 and 11 are not multiples of four. 8 is. 8 is the optimal number of chairs around tables to ensure that you can eat your dinner without being compromised. I am trying valiantly to teach everyone this practice before I have to return to my sister (she of large elbows), whereby I know that no matter if it was just me at the table and her in the same room I would still have to eat from my lap.

Sraith Pictúirz

I haven't even been exposed to the latest attempt by the Ministry of education to get people to appreciate their cultural heritage effectively but I'm already bréan bailithe of it. It seems to me that thing that's getting increased is not love of the Irish language but entropy, as hundreds of leaving certs burn and eat theirs with fiery passion. Wouldn't it be excellent if after 14 years we could understand more than a third of this gem.

Owen Wilson (Americans)

Marley and Me was doomed to fail before my discerning eye regardless (lo and behold his stomach is upside down) but Owen Wilson rose spectacularly to the challenge. Though there are many things I can't stand about him (nose nose nose - his face is a caricature of itself for chrissakes), he says "dawwwg" one too many times in this film. I brought this hatred upon myself, I know, I shouldn't have watched a film about Owen Wilson and a dawg. Morgan has told me that this irrational hatred of Mr. Wilson comes from an inner dislike for Americans. I don't want to elaborate. Too many truths will come. American spelling, and how all internet sites have fallen into the pit of despair that is inappropriate Zs, comes under this category.

Women complaining about the toilet seat being left up

Perhaps a little misogynistic of me but why is down the right way? Men should stand up for themselves and complain about it being left down.

Shop Etiquette

In an ideal world (read: ideal shop) I enter, am greeted with a friendly but passive "Hello" - one must remember that this greeting does not insinuate the beginning of a friendship, but merely lays out certain customer-salesperson formalities. Following this, I proceed to browse at leisure. If, perchance, I have a query about a certain product, I expect that after a sharp glance upward and a pause of approximately 2 seconds, eye contact with aforementioned salesperson will be made, I shall proceed with my query and get an unobtrusive answer. 

Black books sums it up well.

Other interesting pet hates I have come across when researching for this blog were: green pens, rimless glasses, people squirting toothpaste incorrectly, people bragging about being on diets and not losing weight, iTV, and when people upload bad res photos of their skype conversations.

Digressing through Cows

For some reason (most likely the alignment of the stars) I have had many run ins with cows lately. 

To start with, in the boglands of Hong Kong where I currently reside, cows roam free, terrorising neighbourhoods derping around. I bumped into one the other day milling about in Sai Kung around a BBQ site licking a disgruntled dog. Warned as ever by the adverts on the 299 bus from Sha Tin to Sai Kung not to interfere, I was unable to have as interesting an interaction as the dog was having but merely enjoyed the presence of such an ethereal beast. To say they reminded me of home (or at least every second journey down the Grovine East road) would be a lie as they're not fresian.

My second incident occured one night in the common room as the motley crew of myself, Shira, Morgan, Sam tried and failed to load School Of Rock and were treated instead to Shira's very own personal youtube favourites. This has snuck into my top 10 at least, following two camels in a tiny car (best use of 17 seconds of one's life).

The third was at the art exhibition last week when Jayla made all this funky art with cows like turning Jason into a cow and stuff. I'm not any good at reworking candidate statements but the theme was totes deep and made me appreciate Hong Kong cows on a more contemplative level. I bought a 1x2m Andy Warhol-y wallpaper on foam for 100HKD before worrying about how to transport it home or how to utilise it at home. Arnett outbid me the maggot. O wel it was cool (and deep ofc).

dis is another one of jayla lai's (credits: Fernanda)

Three bovine incidents may be too few to justify naming a blog post after but alas I can think of no more. I might talk about more important matters at hand, like the fact that I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL EVER AGAIN. An incredibly pleasant thought rest assured. Sentiments summed up in this here sound clip, which some of you may recognize from the infamous Potter Puppet Pals meets Eragon MS Paint Youtube series.. Only one more hump to get over now before I properly graduate but we shan't dwell on that to much. At least I succeeded in getting Dilene to wear a pink dress. #trololol #shaniwewin

Spirit of Dragon (and Feargal Sharkey)

In the beginning of time there was a man who did not beget nor was begotten. He lived at one with nature and was in command of all of the four great elements. His strength was second to none, his voice silenced all. He could run through forests without snapping a single twig, hear the beats of insects wings from kilometres away and tell the time to the nearest minute by glancing at the sun. A man of great wisdom, great humility; his leadership was not only respected, but revered. In these thousands of years he never aged, and at some point in late 2012 he became the great leader of the LPC dragon boat team. His name (but a label on such a great entity) is Hong. 

Without making this too much of a Quan Cai reflection (though that's not to say that I won't just copy paste this whole thing to Managebac) I may just spam part of this blog with appreciation for this thing. It's a form of stress relief for some, physical exertion for others but I recks I just get a kick out of being in a grey and stormy Tolo Harbour on a Tuesday afternoon murmering the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack in my head (dundundundun dundundundun dundun dundudn dundundun). Tis probs the one thing I will genuinely miss next year (plastic plates can go die) and with only 2 sessions left I'm already feeling the pangs. Hong shook my hand today it was tha bestest. ps this is us paddling lol pps we have a competition plz come 2 repulse bay on sunday kthnxbai. 



On another note, this week (following a harsh telling off by Morgan for whining too much and plenty of exposure to her whining about people whining) I am making the most of my clothes swap returns (namely gwen stefani crop top, inoffensive jumper and lime green bag of death) for solely my own enjoyment. Today I rather enjoyed channeling my inner 1970s Belfast punk look (think stabbing my ear and a dusty khaki parka with safety pins at 7am) after Morgan and myself became unintentionally enamoured with the trailer for Good Vibrations. Now at a critical stage of emotional attachment, Stiff Little Fingers have become the epitome of all things great and cultured. The hunt for a place to illegally download the film continues.

gwen stefani c. 2002 crop topsucking in so hard y'all cant comprehend

u hav not been blocked lol

yeah i disabled my bookface. cause i was refreshing permanently in order to recieve a candy crush invitation from xyz and their mother. whilst i do miss uploading old Bluetones songs (LOSING A LOVERRR//GAINING A FRIEND) for little recognition but the likes of a couple of people i did a summer camp with 4 years ago and checking out how hawt i am in recently uploaded photos and wondering if the nipple-piercing cat as my cover photo needs replacing (or reinstating for that matter) here are some things i have been up to as y'all worried about why i didnt like you anymore.

1) leaving fb has given me more time to google things such as "pattern for a mint green faux fur cape", "how to wash silk" and "bad prom outfits"

2) clodagh (my dearest darlingest sister) made me get kik so now i send her ugly selfies of me in awkward clothes and spam her with things about my life and she sits around being embarrassed. normality restoring itself

3) i have been dropping my ipod in the canteen toilets. luckily the apple store peeps threw a brand new shiny one my way for a nominal fee after i withdrew it from my portable bag of rice failsafe

4) finishing high school AW YISS PENULTIMATE FRIDAY IS OVER one week of school left ever in the whole history of ever. to prove it here is my yearbook square

5) tidying my room and studying at my desk. that happened once. there are no photos.

so all of you sad peeps with nada to do you can catch me on le skype (hannahcantread) or kik (lol i'm so hip i cant even remember my username) or bum a letter my way cause that would be nice tho in fairness by the time it comes i will have probably returned to facebook in order to post this to boost pageviews.

Explaining the Last 8 Photos on my Ipod

Heather and Jason came for a visit. I happened to have Morgan's tartan corset skirt and fab bathrobe handy so they made the most of that. I think they went to Wellcome dressed as such later though I'm not entirely sure.

I made purple lipstick out of eyeshadow and vaseline and thought I was the shit. Enough so to take a selfie.

We went on a dive and I wore my reindeer beanie. In March. O wel. 

I went to the 10,000 buddhas monastery with me Granny/Mum's friend Sheila who was in Hong Kong for a few days. C'est le pagoda ici. 

This guy was one of these 10,000 Buddhas.

Leila and I are attempting to learn how to do maths. It's not working very well.

I went to Lamma Island to visit Anna on me Easter break and this was it in the morning. I'm not entirely sure whether we'd slept or not by this stage. 

I went to Pao's house after Anna's to get me some r&r and ended up being rudely awakened 3 hours after settling in for me comfy sleep and kicked out of the house. I escaped the gaggle and got the night bus back from causeway...to Nick Drake.