Thursday 18 April 2013

Marley and Me Spoilers

Being as sick as a small hospital for the beginning of my study leave meant that I was in a darned good position to reflect on all the things I found adverse to my being in this world (aside from earaches and influenza symptoms). Please note that I am speaking from an impassioned viewpoint.

0.5 bowls of cereal

Luckily I can evade this here because we are subject to communal dumps of cereal but at home when I lift up the packet of Raisin Wheat I can quite often tell if there is not the recommended 35g serving left. I would so much rather Mr. Penultimate Cereal Manbeast went the whole hog and had 52.5g of cereal for breakfast than raised my hopes only to dash them to the ground.




Your iTunes

If it looks like this:

Red Hot Chili Pepper
Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Red Hot Chilly Peppers
RHCP
RHCPeppers

Please do not get me started on the various uses of "&", "and" and even (god forbid) "+". Drake and Jay-Z should not collaborate so often if it turns your iTunes into the wreck I so often see.

Also if you skip songs. This irks me so much that even on my own iPod if I must skip I will first phase out the song I am currently listening to in order to play the next one. Besides, aside from that Pulled Apart By Horses album (which I regret deeply) all the other music on my iPod is quality.

>8 people at a canteen table

In the morning, the canteen ladies put the chairs around the tables in a nice four sided arrangement. Let me tell you 9, 10 and 11 are not multiples of four. 8 is. 8 is the optimal number of chairs around tables to ensure that you can eat your dinner without being compromised. I am trying valiantly to teach everyone this practice before I have to return to my sister (she of large elbows), whereby I know that no matter if it was just me at the table and her in the same room I would still have to eat from my lap.

Sraith Pictúirz

I haven't even been exposed to the latest attempt by the Ministry of education to get people to appreciate their cultural heritage effectively but I'm already bréan bailithe of it. It seems to me that thing that's getting increased is not love of the Irish language but entropy, as hundreds of leaving certs burn and eat theirs with fiery passion. Wouldn't it be excellent if after 14 years we could understand more than a third of this gem.




Owen Wilson (Americans)

Marley and Me was doomed to fail before my discerning eye regardless (lo and behold his stomach is upside down) but Owen Wilson rose spectacularly to the challenge. Though there are many things I can't stand about him (nose nose nose - his face is a caricature of itself for chrissakes), he says "dawwwg" one too many times in this film. I brought this hatred upon myself, I know, I shouldn't have watched a film about Owen Wilson and a dawg. Morgan has told me that this irrational hatred of Mr. Wilson comes from an inner dislike for Americans. I don't want to elaborate. Too many truths will come. American spelling, and how all internet sites have fallen into the pit of despair that is inappropriate Zs, comes under this category.




Women complaining about the toilet seat being left up

Perhaps a little misogynistic of me but why is down the right way? Men should stand up for themselves and complain about it being left down.

Shop Etiquette

In an ideal world (read: ideal shop) I enter, am greeted with a friendly but passive "Hello" - one must remember that this greeting does not insinuate the beginning of a friendship, but merely lays out certain customer-salesperson formalities. Following this, I proceed to browse at leisure. If, perchance, I have a query about a certain product, I expect that after a sharp glance upward and a pause of approximately 2 seconds, eye contact with aforementioned salesperson will be made, I shall proceed with my query and get an unobtrusive answer. 

Black books sums it up well.




Other interesting pet hates I have come across when researching for this blog were: green pens, rimless glasses, people squirting toothpaste incorrectly, people bragging about being on diets and not losing weight, iTV, and when people upload bad res photos of their skype conversations.

No comments:

Post a Comment